fail.... i ate bad food... ha. i can't blame it on forgetting either. i knew i was cheating. i tend to gravitate to sweets when i'm stressed or bored or unhappy. it's a battle that will most likely rage more in the face of a lenten fast. i will not give up though and will work to 'behave' tomorrow.
the battle is less about food in many ways though. it's about emotions and feelings and the way i process them. sometimes i don't like being sad or alone or thinking too much so i cope with hand-to-mouth mindlessness.. i am looking to temporary things to provide comfort to my soul... [ironically it inevitably makes me feel more grosser and depresseder later in the day]. this fast forces me to confront those feelings and instead of munching them away, i have to figure out what is going on in my mind and heart. it reminds me that Jesus needs to be the one to satisfy my heart.
jesus getting into my heart can be scary... [although he knows everything either way]. i am not good at accepting grace, so when my heart is ugly or raw i want to hide it. these are the times i need to give it to him the most. i need to trust that he is who he says he is. that his word is true. that he is good--- not just for others, but for me. he is good.
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